I hate the gym

There it is stuck over as far as it will go. Will it ever drop? I don't know... To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal, light up the stage wax a chump like a candle, dance....sorry I really need to select more current music for the gym I got that chunk of musical crap stuck to my gym shoe.

What a chore! Get home, change my clothes. Kiss various members of my family, head out the door. Get to the gym and the first big decision of the night comes before me.

Do I take the elevator to the second floor where the cardio, track and weights are, or do I take the stairs?

I can't tell you how many people I have seen get off the elevator and go over and get on an elliptical or some other cardio machine. Hey I'm no expert Shamu but I bet if you use the stairs more the treadmill would be less necessary in your life.

Ooooh so THATS what it looks like!

There it is folks! Four hundred and twenty some odd pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal!

Here are the top 5 things overheard at the beach when I take my shirt off.

5. I've heard of having a monkey on your back but that is ridiculous.

4. If he ever has to haul butt out of somewhere... he's gonna have to make two trips!

3. I bet he deep frys his toothpaste!

2. I bet when he takes a bath he first fills the tub... then adds a little water.

and the number one thing overheard at the beach when I take my shirt off.

1. Ahhhhhhhh... SHADE!

How did I get here? It sneaks up on you one ding dong at a time. (more like 7 ding dongs at a time but they are sneaky ding dongs nonetheless)

These are just some of the things I hate about being this heavy.

My knees are going out, my ankles are going out, my hips hurt, I get short of breath doing almost everything, my skin is bad, my shoes break down in weeks (adding to the ankle problems) my uniforms don't fit, none of my clothes fit right, its hard to get in and out of cars, I can't hardly tie my own shoes, bathroom time is a stretch (sorry but it's true) I can't hardly pick things up off the ground, I can't sleep without the help of a Cpap, I toss and turn because my limbs fall asleep all night, I can't walk or stand for very long without pain, I am going to get diabetes if I don't change my ways, I have high blood pressure, I had an A-fib at 35, I can't perform at work as well as I really need to, I am ALWAYS tired, I can't fit in chairs with arms, I can't sit in yard furniture, my wife and I can't lay on the couch together, my kids wish I was thinner, people judge me and I AM GOING TO DIE EARLY IF I DON'T CHANGE IT NOW!!!

I think about these things all the time, the things I want to do but can't because I chose to stress eat! I can make all the excuses I want but every time I get stressed, scared, sad or whatever I make the choice to eat.

I have to make some changes. I have to live healthy. I have to LIVE!!!!

Shut your cake hole MARK and get to work!!!!

Is it hot in here?

Here I sit...sweating.
I sweat all the time. I sweat when there is no possible reason to sweat. I worked up a full lather this morning just looking for my socks. I was looking, mind you, not actually performing any physical labor...just SITTING ON MY BED looking!

I am 40 years old and have struggled with my weight for over 20 years. I just recently realized that just because I am sweating does not mean I am burning calories.
If that were true I would have 2% body fat, a set of washboard* abs and wouldn't make disgusting noises when getting out of chairs.

(or walking, or sleeping, or cooking, or showering, or standing still, or....you get the picture)

Why am I always sweating?! I am THE sweaty fat guy! I'm a cliche'! If I have to be a cliche' why cant I be the super svelte handsome guy with long locks of hair! Now that is a cliche' I could live with...although lots of times on the covers of those romance books they are pretty sweaty.

I need to go for now. My computer can only take so much typing before the sweat runs off my head down my arms and into the keyboard where it shorts out the -Error: moisture levels critical-

*Washboard abs- is this really the best adjective to describe a flat stomach? Is the sexiest of all appliances...the washboard?

Could there be a better appliance to liken your stomach to? Refrigerator abs? Toaster abs? Garbage disposal abs? Mixing bowl abs?

Kitchen table abs? They all sound kind of gross...washboard abs is clearly winner in this group.